no, he came in my armpit
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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