we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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