Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
