Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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