Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize