there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
