If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My feet surprised me
Randomize
