do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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