in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
