So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize