Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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