Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize