the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
