Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
