Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize