And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
