woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
