I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
