Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
