Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
