I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
