i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
