and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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