at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
