You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
