I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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