he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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