we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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