Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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