Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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