Do you still have your period?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
