i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
