She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
