My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
