i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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