I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize