It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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