the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
