Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
