This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize