Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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