in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think a kid would responsible me up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
