life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
