The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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