I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
