True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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