and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
