There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
