erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
