Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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