wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He felt like a one man threesome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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