i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
