After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
