Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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