the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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