He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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