new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
