I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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