I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm both gender and math confused
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