he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
