this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
