...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
