I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
