Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
