dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
