Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize