The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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