we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
