I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
