I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
soo... how was my night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
